


What Have You Done

by FearlessRaider



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff, One Shot, Some Humor, Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 14:05:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4022677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FearlessRaider/pseuds/FearlessRaider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place in after ME2 and before ME3, following the Arrival DLC. From Garrus point of view, as usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Have You Done

**Author's Note:**

> I first wrote this down 11 months ago in some night. I only returned to it today to find it that I must clean it and publish it. It didn't have title, but I've been listening to this: https://youtu.be/JfIn_BxwYz8 while working on it this evening. So I guess it did fit the mood.

Few hours before the hitting the Collector base were interesting, to put it mildly. Both of them had done some research, so it wasn't as awkward as it could've been. Advices from Mordin and EDI were appreciated.

Suicide mission being Shepard's mission went just like Shepard's missions generally. No casualties, lot of bruises and cuts. Some bleeding, but in the end there was victory. Sweet victory. Garrus couldn't deny how his heart had missed a beat on her final leap back to the ship. That distance had been just too much – at least it felt like it had been. Shepard being Shep, she pulled through and Miranda dragged her inside the ship. And they escaped the blast and head towards home.

Going to back through the relay, there was only one thing all crew could hear. Shepard's wheezy laugh, which Garrus knew came from several things. Exhaustion, knowing she had pulled it off and just everything. Using her words, _”It's life!”,_ was the reason behind her laugh.

Soon she disappeared to com room and he went to main battery to check the damage. They had taken some hits, but not too much. As always, there was something to calibrate but time for that was after Chakwas was done with the medical check-up. Just to be sure.

 

***

”It didn't feel as good”, was what he heard when she entered the main battery. He kept his eyes on the algorithm.  
”What didn't?” There was a light chuckle in his voice, as her disappointment was so genuine.  
”Hanging up on him”, she answered while lingering around him.  
”And compared to what?”  
”To the council, in the good old days, you know?”

That made him laugh, a real chuckle took over him as he shook his head. Of course, he had heard Joker telling it back in the day few times but had never really believed it. First humane Spectre, hanging up on the Council. Spirits have mercy on her.  
  
”What? It's a serious business, it's an art form!” She tried to explain, but that made him chuckle even more. Humans and their humour, he thought, so weird.. so alien. Sometimes without an explanation too.

 

***

After several days of extensive repair work Shepard decided that for maximum of three days she wouldn't do anything. That was fine for Garrus, as it had become and unspoken rule that they shared the cabin bed. He had grown to like the cuddling and waking up next to her. But he also knew that there was probably a proper reason why she would take time to ”not to work” as he put it. She was planning something, he was sure of it but didn't want to ask. She would tell him eventually.

Something that had been just a little awkward in their first night had slowly, but surely turned into a very good and very working thing. Every time was still a challenge, an open challenge to learn more. Though nuzzling her sweaty neck afterwards gave him same kind of feeling than pulling a perfect headshot on a target that was very, very far away. It was a little strange feeling, but he welcomed it. Especially when she said he sounded like purring cat, which he still quite didn't take but then humans and their idioms were.. hard. Especially for turians.

On a second day he woke up before her as usual. He liked to watch her sleep, it was the only time her face really was in peace and her ever growing frown smoothed away. It was the perfect time to count those funny little things, freckles, on her nose. Those little things also slightly covered her right cheekbone for some reason. He had seen plenty of humans in his life, but not so often those tiny dots with people who had such dark colour of skin as Shepard. Little tour to the extranet had told him that freckles, the cute little dots, were surprisingly common on humans. Even with people with darker skin.

He groaned as his omni-tool pinged. EDI kindly informed him that something was up in the main battery. Gentle kiss to her forehead and he was up. He had learned the gesture from some article on extranet, it had felt weird at the time but since starting to use the custom he found something endearing in it. Hopes for an easy fix in the main battery hanged in the air.

That plan didn't work out, as the _“something was up”_ was a bigger problem that he had expected. During working, the whole day flew away, mind some quick lunch at the mess hall. He didn't see her the whole day, but then she had said she wouldn't do work – which meant that daily rounds were off the table too.

His concern did rise in the evening, after hard day of work he went to her cabin to see it empty. Bed made, empty glass on her desk, fish fed and hamster happy. But no Shepard.  
  
”EDI, where's Shepard?” He asked while sitting down on the couch while looking at one of the five datapads with him.  
”Officer Vakarian, Shepard left earlier today to a mission. Officer Lawson is in charge.”

That stop him. Shepard was on mission. But with who?  
  
”Who she took with her?”  
”I’m sorry, the details of the mission are classified.”

In that moment he knew, that that had been what she had been planning. Or at least it was the thing that had been in her mind. Even if she hadn't said a word, she probably had a good reason. At least he hoped so.

 

***

After Shepard had gone to the mission, they heard nothing. So much of nothing that even Miranda was getting worried. Which made Garrus worried. Knowing that mission was classified, even for Miranda, didn't really help since they didn't knew what she was doing. Only that it was for the Alliance and she had agreed to go through with it before hitting the Collector Base. But that didn't help, it only made it worse.

Still Shepard is Shepard and she'll survive anything, even death. That was something he kept thinking when they finally got ready for a pick up. Not until that moment he and some of the crew finally learned that they were indeed escaping from the system that was going up in flames. Not something you would expect from a mission she would do, that one system would literally blow up.

Right after she got back to the vessel she rushed to the galaxy map. Only to see how the Batarian system blew up. She held her head down for a while before she picked it up and went to the elevator while removing her helmet. On that second he managed to catch the look in her eyes that made his heart drop a bit. Such a strong feeling of disappointment and failure, something he hadn't used to see from her. Second later the look was gone and there was this blank soldier face with a brief stiff smile. Trying to assure she was fine, unless you knew better.

He took the elevator with her to the deck three. Where she went to the medical bay to have Chakwas to have a look as her armor had several huge scratches and other signs of combat. And her walking was a bit wobbly to where she only noted something about being drugged. When she disappeared to the med bay he sighed to the closed doors before walking to the main battery. She was safe and alive, that should be all that mattered. But something was still hanging in the air.

 

***

Next big buzz in Normandy was when Admiral Hackett came to debrief Shepard. Whole scenario made the whole ex-Cerberus crew act a little nervous, though Admiral himself didn't pay attention. Shepard hadn't left the med bay since coming back to the Normandy. What he had gathered from Chakwas, a lot of things had happened to her during the mission.

He watched her debriefing from the mess hall. It wasn’t planned, but it was right at the time for supper. First he was hungry, but then he noticed that he and few others were trying not to look but still looked at what was happening in the med bay. When Chakwas came from there, many of the humans left the mess hall but not him. He couldn't move.

Chakwas sat next to him with a cup of coffee. Drinking it while watching the view from the window. The same view that caught his eyes too. It was quiet play, where she gave the admiral a datapad. They talked, her eyes fiery with determination and understanding. He nodding at times, walking a little circle in front of her. She kept her posture, no hints of what she really felt. But Garrus knew that what has happened was something big. Not in every one person mission you would get the admiral from the Alliance to debrief you.

Finally the whole thing was over, last of the salutes. Nodding both sides and then he walked away from the med bay. Straight to the elevator, while glancing towards the mess hall. Garrus was focused on Shepard. He could only see her back, but he didn't miss how her posture changed when her commanding officer walked out of the room. It was the same, as the look he had seen when she was entering the elevator. Disappointment and failure.

”Due to her actions, over 300,000 batarians died when that system exploded”, Chakwas said next to him before getting up and leaving.

That explained, at least partially. He had still troubles to understand how it all came together, but he believed she would tell him when the time was right.

  
***

In the evening he got message from Shepard to meet her at her cabin. After his work he went up. He wasn't sure what to expect, so he decide to keep on open mind.

She was sitting on the couch, stirring a spoon in her glass full of tea.  
  
”Hey”, she said weakly and companied that with a weak smile while continuing to focus on the most important task, stirring the tea.  
”Hey”, Garrus responded while sitting next to her. Half second later she was close in his lap, still stirring that pint of tea. It must have been boiling to her hands but she didn't seem to mind.  
”Missed you”, Garrus whispered while taking the pint. She didn't fight and gave it up easily.  
”Missed you too.”

He put the glass to the table and took her to his embrace. In there he felt her starting to relax, giving up to all the tension that had been building. She changed her position and was now sitting on his lap face forward to him. There it was again, that look of disappointment and failure. So deep and raw emotion that he couldn't say a word. Only to hold her closer, hug tighter and never let go. There rarely were words for strong feelings like that.

After a while he heard the first sob, then the second until she was quietly with force bawling to his shoulder. And he couldn't do anything but hold her closer to himself. In the safety of his arms. He started to gently hum while patting her back, which slowly quieted down her crying to a few small sniffling sounds. In that she finally lifted her gaze from his shoulder. Face all darker and puffy from crying, her eyes looked fierce and had regained some of the determination that was one of the Shepard qualities.

He brushed loose hair behind her ear. That made her smile. It was a little stronger than the smile earlier. She lifted her sitting next to him and wiggled herself right next to him. As close as possible.  
  
”I tried to help, I really did”, she finally whispered while leaning towards him.  
”I know. I know:” He responded.  
”But then when you found yourself with bunch indoctrinated people who sedate you for over two days and then you have limited of time to actually do anything, it's going to be shit”, she continued. He didn't have the words again so he hummed.

”I have to go back to Earth, I need to face what I've done. I need to take responsibility”, she said after a while. He didn't know how Alliance usually worked through stuff like these, but he didn't believe her odds were good. Military was military.  
”If I'm lucky, it's nothing that bad, but I will probably be relieved from duty,” she continued in her own phase. Not really talking to him, but to herself.  
”And who knows what happens next. But then the death of 300,000 batarians is a huge thing. Especially when it’s a work of one person, even if it wasn’t what was I wanted. My work wasn’t good enough.”

They sat there in silence until she got up.  
”I'm taking a shower, interested?” She asked while walking towards the bathroom.  
”You know, Shepard. I'm right behind you”, he replied while going after her. That made her laugh. It was the first wheezy laugh since after the Collector Base. And it was good thing to hear it again.


End file.
